I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
