Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
