a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
