farters have to be the big spoon...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize