So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
