id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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