I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
