Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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