I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
A bitchslap is in order.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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