Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
