hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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