i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
