Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
