when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
