mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
