Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
