i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My cat gives me a boner
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
