I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize