I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
