im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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