When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
