Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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