Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dick very happy bro
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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