god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
