Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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