Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
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