They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
