Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
