I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
