My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
