I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
