The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
