No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I believe in your delicious
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
