the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Im part way to drunk.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
