im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
