The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
