I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
