it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
