i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
