I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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