I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I want a musical about memes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
