At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
