The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
