Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
