I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
