the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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