Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
