imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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