Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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