hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
