so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
