So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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