And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
