I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize