I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
