I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just had sex bonerless
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
