i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
