I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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