I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
ttyl tear gas
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
