nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize