hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
