The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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