nut hugger
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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