so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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