her vagine was all disorganized.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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