she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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