i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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