So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
