at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
