and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
