She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
