your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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