I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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