I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
