it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
