At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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