I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize