She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
