your parents love me but you hate me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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