our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
