The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am available for nakedness
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
