She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
