You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
