I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
