i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
