my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
