Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
