Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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