He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
