I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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