just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize